Career Alternatives, End of Days, and The Usual Suspects

Tomorrow is my official last day at my current part-time job. I’m a little sad to leave, just because I felt like I was finally hitting my stride in terms of knowing what was going on within the company and being able to do beneficial work. BUT–

I will now get to finally be a (semi) adult human being who can fully pay rent, accrue savings (as opposed to living grocery trip to grocery trip), and finally get started in a realm that directly corresponds to my interests. 

^^ I kinda hesitated at the end of that sentence because I realized how haphazard my interests are. In case you didn’t know, I actually have a series of dream jobs lined up in case I decide that being in a cubicle is synonymous with prison. They are as follows. 

1) Librarian

– But at like the Library of Congress though. I would be very proper and studious in that everything would be orderly and clean, but I would turn by back at the cute nice girls in the back who were eating Oreos, and I would also wink and the sexy professor types. Once everything shut down for the evening, I would scurry to the mythology section and look at all the first editions of the fairy tales and contemplate how I would get away with stealing them (I never would). Also, I would absolutely rock the sexy librarian look (and you thought Peter Pan collars were juvenile). 

2) Book Shop Owner

I would be like Meg Ryan in “You’ve Got Mail,” but with better hair, a higher degree of literacy and knowledge of books, and I wouldn’t look at anyone forlornly and while whining (except if someone bought the last copy of a new book I was planning on reading). I would also be allowed to kick out anyone who questioned my decision to put all of Hemingway as far out of reach as possible except for The Sun Also Rises (everything else is just stacks on stacks of paper filled with monotony and misery). 

3) Tea Shop Owner

I went to this little tiny British tea shop when I was in London, and I’ve pretty much fallen in love with the whole process. If I could have my own teeny tiny tea shop that sold tea, biscuits, cookies, and crumpets the British way, complete with pastel/flowered mismatched china, tufted chairs, and a working gramophone, I’d be set. 

4) College Professor

I would be Professor McGonagall. I would grade your papers ruthlessly, but invite you to my office for tea and pleasant conversation. I would also make sure EVERYONE read the books, and I would spend my summers making lesson plans in a foreign country that pertained to the theme of my course. I would have a close (but not cultish) following of students, and we would talk about literature all the time. Boom. 

5) Crafty Farmer

True story, I totally fantasize about this. I would be a vegetarian farmer though, in that I would only sell dairy products. Any pigs I owned would be pets, preferably in teacup size (I would carry him in a front-pack while I gardened, and my coven of rabbits would follow me around as I picked things for them). Every morning I would feed my chickens, collect eggs, and make a variety of DIY home/bath products that I would sell alongside the milk/cheese/eggs assortment at farmer’s markets every weekend. I would have a great rapport with the other local farming families, but a special arrangement (not sexual, Jesus) with the kale man: I’d trade my eggs for his kale and it would be fantastic. 

6) Writer

This is the big and obvious one that I have full determination to actually make come true. I’ll live in some cute kind of bungalow in Cali and have a strict writing schedule that I adhere to every day (with time for gym runs of course). I’ll then release my book under pseudonym, it’ll get (hopefully) big, but as far as photos in magazines go, I’ll be completely anonymous. If they make my book into a movie, I’ll meet the stars only so I can go over script edits and things like that. I will be the Daft Punk of literature, or I guess a modern day George Eliot (except I will choose a pseudonym that isn’t overly masculine, like J.K. Rowling). 

So that’s the end of my list. Life updates are as follows:

1) Starting awesome, amazing, beautiful job on MONDAY

2) Still living way out in Brooklyn

3) Best friend hates me for not moving into a new place with her, because I can’t afford it 

4) Boyfriend is still wonderful, but still very far away

5) One-year anniversary with said boyfriend is in a week or so (which is WEIRD to think about)

6) It has been almost a full year since I graduated (holy fuck)

7) Things are starting to get better here, I’m starting to get more comfortable reaching out to people and making friends, so things are starting to move in a positive direction (AKA I’m no longer pretending to go out while actually binge watching Netflix and getting Chinese take-out every night). 

8) Oreos are my (not so new) vegan obsession. 


That’s my news! I’ll be back next week with updates on my new job!!


Ask questions, piss people off, and eat a fuck ton of quacamole,



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